How to become a good student

Good students are highly sought upon. Parents and teachers look highly on you, you get a shitload of respects from your peers, and girls come rushing for your D. It is great to be a good student. Here a few tips on how to earn the title of Good Student, read on:

Be Obedient. Obey everything your parents and teachers say. If they tell you to be a doctor or lawyer, they have a good reason to do. These two occupations yield a lot of money, especially doctors can rip parents off as parents that get admitted into private hospitals have insurance on them. In that case you will earn a lot more than your peers and you get a chance to laugh at them. Doctors save lives too! The question is not why the question is why not?

Stay silent. If any good ideas suddenly surge into your mind, whether it’s from 6th sense, infinite intelligence or your non-existent god, don’t share with your classmates, because if you do, you get called to the front and get punished. It is fucking embarassing, don’t do that. Just diam diam and do your homework. Good ideas are never meant to be shared.

Believe everything they say. Take our history textbooks as example, when they say our previous 5 prime ministers are awesome heroes, they are. Tun Abdul Razak saved us from 513 race riots. Mahathir built a twin tower from his own pocket. And the warriors from Pasir Salak, they are really heroic for killing Birch, just like the heroic Osama bin Ladden and his minions piloted their aircrafts into the twin tower. If your maths text book says 2+2=5, then it is, believe EVERYTHING they wrote and said.

Don’t complain. Gosh! Stop being like a kid crying this and there! Do you know how fucking annoying you are for saying that teacher is molesting the girls? He didn’t! And if you do complain, I am gonna suspend you or terminate your study life FOREVER. Please, if you saw anything, keep your mouth shut and get over it, nothing really happened, you saw some illusion, that’s all.

Study HARD. You are a student, your job 24/7 is to study. Are you playing computer games again? Get off the computer and open your books! You are borned to realize our dreams, to be a straight As student, if you have your own dream, delete it, your dream is not as important as ours. Remember your parents who made you? They made you for a purpose – to get 11 A+. We never care how happy you are for making the water rockets, as long as you don’t get 11A+, you are stupid as fuck.

Scholarships. We don’t tell you to study hard without a good reason. We want you to get scholarship, once you get it you will be happy for the rest of your life! You won’t need to pay for you college fees! Even if you want to be a car mechanic, don’t be an apprentice at our local tyre shop, by all means, stay home and study hard and get 11A+. Then you can get a scholarship to study at Harvard Tyre Repairing School and get your dream job at our cheap local tyre shop.

Conclusion, after reading these tips, I hope that you will embrace your great schooling life and carry your responsibility as a student. You have a bright future ahead kiddo!

Author: Anonoz Chong

Web Developer in Kuala Lumpur. Computer Science student in MMU Cyberjaya. President of IT Society MMU Cyberjaya. Rubyist.

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